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Tuesday, 26 April 2011

We can live in hope, even if we die in despair

"Tell Joseph, he may live in hope, Ma'am," said the Major; "or he'll die in despair." It is from Charles Dickens' "Dombey and Son".

From: http://www.kgbanswers.co.uk/where-does-the-quote-live-in-hope-die-in-despair-come-from/1892797


Chapter 40 Domestic Relations

t was not in the nature of things that a man of Mr Dombey's mood, opposed to such a spirit as he had raised against himself, should be softened in the imperious asperity of his temper; or that the cold hard armour of pride in which he lived encased, should be made more flexible by constant collision with haughty scorn and defiance. It is the curse of such a nature - it is a main part of the heavy retribution on itself it bears within itself - that while deference and concession swell its evil qualities, and are the food it grows upon, resistance and a questioning of its exacting claims, foster it too, no less. The evil that is in it finds equally its means of growth and propagation in opposites. It draws support and life from sweets and bitters; bowed down before, or unacknowledged, it still enslaves the breast in which it has its throne; and, worshipped or rejected, is as hard a master as the Devil in dark fables.

Towards his first wife, Mr Dombey, in his cold and lofty arrogance, had borne himself like the removed Being he almost conceived himself to be. He had been 'Mr Dombey' with her when she first saw him, and he was 'Mr Dombey' when she died. He had asserted his greatness during their whole married life, and she had meekly recognised it. He had kept his distant seat of state on the top of his throne, and she her humble station on its lowest step; and much good it had done him, so to live in solitary bondage to his one idea. He had imagined that the proud character of his second wife would have been added to his own - would have merged into it, and exalted his greatness. He had pictured himself haughtier than ever, with Edith's haughtiness subservient to his. He had never entertained the possibility of its arraying itself against him. And now, when he found it rising in his path at every step and turn of his daily life, fixing its cold, defiant, and contemptuous face upon him, this pride of his, instead of withering, or hanging down its head beneath the shock, put forth new shoots, became more concentrated and intense, more gloomy, sullen, irksome, and unyielding, than it had ever been before.

Who wears such armour, too, bears with him ever another heavy retribution. It is of proof against conciliation, love, and confidence; against all gentle sympathy from without, all trust, all tenderness, all soft emotion; but to deep stabs in the self-love, it is as vulnerable as the bare breast to steel; and such tormenting festers rankle there, as follow on no other wounds, no, though dealt with the mailed hand of Pride itself, on weaker pride, disarmed and thrown down.

Such wounds were his. He felt them sharply, in the solitude of his old rooms; whither he now began often to retire again, and pass long solitary hours. It seemed his fate to be ever proud and powerful; ever humbled and powerless where he would be most strong. Who seemed fated to work out that doom?

Who? Who was it who could win his wife as she had won his boy? Who was it who had shown him that new victory, as he sat in the dark corner? Who was it whose least word did what his utmost means could not? Who was it who, unaided by his love, regard or notice, thrived and grew beautiful when those so aided died? Who could it be, but the same child at whom he had often glanced uneasily in her motherless infancy, with a kind of dread, lest he might come to hate her; and of whom his foreboding was fulfilled, for he did hate her in his heart?

Yes, and he would have it hatred, and he made it hatred, though some sparkles of the light in which she had appeared before him on the memorable night of his return home with his Bride, occasionally hung about her still. He knew now that she was beautiful; he did not dispute that she was graceful and winning, and that in the bright dawn of her womanhood she had come upon him, a surprise. But he turned even this against her. In his sullen and unwholesome brooding, the unhappy man, with a dull perception of his alienation from all hearts, and a vague yearning for what he had all his life repelled, made a distorted picture of his rights and wrongs, and justified himself with it against her. The worthier she promised to be of him, the greater claim he was disposed to antedate upon her duty and submission. When had she ever shown him duty and submission? Did she grace his life - or Edith's? Had her attractions been manifested first to him - or Edith? Why, he and she had never been, from her birth, like father and child! They had always been estranged. She had crossed him every way and everywhere. She was leagued against him now. Her very beauty softened natures that were obdurate to him, and insulted him with an unnatural triumph.

It may have been that in all this there were mutterings of an awakened feeling in his breast, however selfishly aroused by his position of disadvantage, in comparison with what she might have made his life. But he silenced the distant thunder with the rolling of his sea of pride. He would bear nothing but his pride. And in his pride, a heap of inconsistency, and misery, and self-inflicted torment, he hated her.

To the moody, stubborn, sullen demon, that possessed him, his wife opposed her different pride in its full force. They never could have led a happy life together; but nothing could have made it more unhappy, than the wilful and determined warfare of such elements. His pride was set upon maintaining his magnificent supremacy, and forcing recognition of it from her. She would have been racked to death, and turned but her haughty glance of calm inflexible disdain upon him, to the last. Such recognition from Edith! He little knew through what a storm and struggle she had been driven onward to the crowning honour of his hand. He little knew how much she thought she had conceded, when she suffered him to call her wife.

Mr Dombey was resolved to show her that he was supreme. There must be no will but his. Proud he desired that she should be, but she must be proud for, not against him. As he sat alone, hardening, he would often hear her go out and come home, treading the round of London life with no more heed of his liking or disliking, pleasure or displeasure, than if he had been her groom. Her cold supreme indifference - his own unquestioned attribute usurped - stung him more than any other kind of treatment could have done; and he determined to bend her to his magnificent and stately will.

He had been long communing with these thoughts, when one night he sought her in her own apartment, after he had heard her return home late. She was alone, in her brilliant dress, and had but that moment come from her mother's room. Her face was melancholy and pensive, when he came upon her; but it marked him at the door; for, glancing at the mirror before it, he saw immediately, as in a picture-frame, the knitted brow, and darkened beauty that he knew so well.

’Mrs Dombey,' he said, entering, 'I must beg leave to have a few words with you.'

'To-morrow,' she replied.

'There is no time like the present, Madam,' he returned. 'You mistake your position. I am used to choose my own times; not to have them chosen for me. I think you scarcely understand who and what I am, Mrs Dombey.

'I think,' she answered, 'that I understand you very well.'

She looked upon him as she said so, and folding her white arms, sparkling with gold and gems, upon her swelling breast, turned away her eyes.

If she had been less handsome, and less stately in her cold composure, she might not have had the power of impressing him with the sense of disadvantage that penetrated through his utmost pride. But she had the power, and he felt it keenly. He glanced round the room: saw how the splendid means of personal adornment, and the luxuries of dress, were scattered here and there, and disregarded; not in mere caprice and carelessness (or so he thought), but in a steadfast haughty disregard of costly things: and felt it more and more. Chaplets of flowers, plumes of feathers, jewels, laces, silks and satins; look where he would, he saw riches, despised, poured out, and. made of no account. The very diamonds - a marriage gift - that rose and fell impatiently upon her bosom, seemed to pant to break the chain that clasped them round her neck, and roll down on the floor where she might tread upon them.

He felt his disadvantage, and he showed it. Solemn and strange among this wealth of colour and voluptuous glitter, strange and constrained towards its haughty mistress, whose repellent beauty it repeated, and presented all around him, as in so many fragments of a mirror, he was conscious of embarrassment and awkwardness. Nothing that ministered to her disdainful self-possession could fail to gall him. Galled and irritated with himself, he sat down, and went on, in no improved humour:

'Mrs Dombey, it is very necessary that there should be some understanding arrived at between us. Your conduct does not please me, Madam.'

She merely glanced at him again, and again averted her eyes; but she might have spoken for an hour, and expressed less.

'I repeat, Mrs Dombey, does not please me. I have already taken occasion to request that it may be corrected. I now insist upon it.'

'You chose a fitting occasion for your first remonstrance, Sir, and you adopt a fitting manner, and a fitting word for your second. You insist! To me!'

'Madam,' said Mr Dombey, with his most offensive air of state, 'I have made you my wife. You bear my name. You are associated with my position and my reputation. I will not say that the world in general may be disposed to think you honoured by that association; but I will say that I am accustomed to "insist," to my connexions and dependents.'

'Which may you be pleased to consider me? she asked.

'Possibly I may think that my wife should partake - or does partake, and cannot help herself - of both characters, Mrs Dombey.'

She bent her eyes upon him steadily, and set her trembling lips. He saw her bosom throb, and saw her face flush and turn white. All this he could know, and did: but he could not know that one word was whispering in the deep recesses of her heart, to keep her quiet; and that the word was Florence.

Blind idiot, rushing to a precipice! He thought she stood in awe of him.

'You are too expensive, Madam,' said Mr Dombey. 'You are extravagant. You waste a great deal of money - or what would be a great deal in the pockets of most gentlemen - in cultivating a kind of society that is useless to me, and, indeed, that upon the whole is disagreeable to me. I have to insist upon a total change in all these respects. I know that in the novelty of possessing a tithe of such means as Fortune has placed at your disposal, ladies are apt to run into a sudden extreme. There has been more than enough of that extreme. I beg that Mrs Granger's very different experiences may now come to the instruction of Mrs Dombey.'

Still the fixed look, the trembling lips, the throbbing breast, the face now crimson and now white; and still the deep whisper Florence, Florence, speaking to her in the beating of her heart.

His insolence of self-importance dilated as he saw this alteration in her. Swollen no less by her past scorn of him, and his so recent feeling of disadvantage, than by her present submission (as he took it to be), it became too mighty for his breast, and burst all bounds. Why, who could long resist his lofty will and pleasure! He had resolved to conquer her, and look here!

'You will further please, Madam,' said Mr Dombey, in a tone of sovereign command, 'to understand distinctly, that I am to be deferred to and obeyed. That I must have a positive show and confession of deference before the world, Madam. I am used to this. I require it as my right. In short I will have it. I consider it no unreasonable return for the worldly advancement that has befallen you; and I believe nobody will be surprised, either at its being required from you, or at your making it. - To Me - To Me!' he added, with emphasis.

No word from her. No change in her. Her eyes upon him.

'I have learnt from your mother, Mrs Dombey,' said Mr Dombey, with magisterial importance, what no doubt you know, namely, that Brighton is recommended for her health. Mr Carker has been so good

She changed suddenly. Her face and bosom glowed as if the red light of an angry sunset had been flung upon them. Not unobservant of the change, and putting his own interpretation upon it, Mr Dombey resumed:

'Mr Carker has been so good as to go down and secure a house there, for a time. On the return of the establishment to London, I shall take such steps for its better management as I consider necessary. One of these, will be the engagement at Brighton (if it is to be effected), of a very respectable reduced person there, a Mrs Pipchin, formerly employed in a situation of trust in my family, to act as housekeeper. An establishment like this, presided over but nominally, Mrs Dombey, requires a competent head.'

She had changed her attitude before he arrived at these words, and now sat - still looking at him fixedly - turning a bracelet round and round upon her arm; not winding it about with a light, womanly touch, but pressing and dragging it over the smooth skin, until the white limb showed a bar of red.

'I observed,' said Mr Dombey - 'and this concludes what I deem it necessary to say to you at present, Mrs Dombey - I observed a moment ago, Madam, that my allusion to Mr Carker was received in a peculiar manner. On the occasion of my happening to point out to you, before that confidential agent, the objection I had to your mode of receiving my visitors, you were pleased to object to his presence. You will have to get the better of that objection, Madam, and to accustom yourself to it very probably on many similar occasions; unless you adopt the remedy which is in your own hands, of giving me no cause of complaint. Mr Carker,' said Mr Dombey, who, after the emotion he had just seen, set great store by this means of reducing his proud wife, and who was perhaps sufficiently willing to exhibit his power to that gentleman in a new and triumphant aspect, 'Mr Carker being in my confidence, Mrs Dombey, may very well be in yours to such an extent. I hope, Mrs Dombey,' he continued, after a few moments, during which, in his increasing haughtiness, he had improved on his idea, 'I may not find it necessary ever to entrust Mr Carker with any message of objection or remonstrance to you; but as it would be derogatory to my position and reputation to be frequently holding trivial disputes with a lady upon whom I have conferred the highest distinction that it is in my power to bestow, I shall not scruple to avail myself of his services if I see occasion.'

'And now,' he thought, rising in his moral magnificence, and rising a stiffer and more impenetrable man than ever, 'she knows me and my resolution.'

The hand that had so pressed the bracelet was laid heavily upon her breast, but she looked at him still, with an unaltered face, and said in a low voice:

'Wait! For God's sake! I must speak to you.'

Why did she not, and what was the inward struggle that rendered her incapable of doing so, for minutes, while, in the strong constraint she put upon her face, it was as fixed as any statue's - looking upon him with neither yielding nor unyielding, liking nor hatred, pride not humility: nothing but a searching gaze?

'Did I ever tempt you to seek my hand? Did I ever use any art to win you? Was I ever more conciliating to you when you pursued me, than I have been since our marriage? Was I ever other to you than I am?'

'It is wholly unnecessary, Madam,' said Mr Dombey, 'to enter upon such discussions.'

'Did you think I loved you? Did you know I did not? Did you ever care, Man! for my heart, or propose to yourself to win the worthless thing? Was there any poor pretence of any in our bargain? Upon your side, or on mine?'

'These questions,' said Mr Dombey, 'are all wide of the purpose, Madam.'

She moved between him and the door to prevent his going away, and drawing her majestic figure to its height, looked steadily upon him still.

'You answer each of them. You answer me before I speak, I see. How can you help it; you who know the miserable truth as well as I? Now, tell me. If I loved you to devotion, could I do more than render up my whole will and being to you, as you have just demanded? If my heart were pure and all untried, and you its idol, could you ask more; could you have more?'

'Possibly not, Madam,' he returned coolly.

'You know how different I am. You see me looking on you now, and you can read the warmth of passion for you that is breathing in my face.' Not a curl of the proud lip, not a flash of the dark eye, nothing but the same intent and searching look, accompanied these words. 'You know my general history. You have spoken of my mother. Do you think you can degrade, or bend or break, me to submission and obedience?'

Mr Dombey smiled, as he might have smiled at an inquiry whether he thought he could raise ten thousand pounds.

'If there is anything unusual here,' she said, with a slight motion of her hand before her brow, which did not for a moment flinch from its immovable and otherwise expressionless gaze, 'as I know there are unusual feelings here,' raising the hand she pressed upon her bosom, and heavily returning it, 'consider that there is no common meaning in the appeal I am going to make you. Yes, for I am going;' she said it as in prompt reply to something in his face; 'to appeal to you.'

Mr Dombey, with a slightly condescending bend of his chin that rustled and crackled his stiff cravat, sat down on a sofa that was near him, to hear the appeal.

'If you can believe that I am of such a nature now,' - he fancied he saw tears glistening in her eyes, and he thought, complacently, that he had forced them from her, though none fell on her cheek, and she regarded him as steadily as ever, - 'as would make what I now say almost incredible to myself, said to any man who had become my husband, but, above all, said to you, you may, perhaps, attach the greater weight to it. In the dark end to which we are tending, and may come, we shall not involve ourselves alone (that might not be much) but others.'

Others! He knew at whom that word pointed, and frowned heavily.

'I speak to you for the sake of others. Also your own sake; and for mine. Since our marriage, you have been arrogant to me; and I have repaid you in kind. You have shown to me and everyone around us, every day and hour, that you think I am graced and distinguished by your alliance. I do not think so, and have shown that too. It seems you do not understand, or (so far as your power can go) intend that each of us shall take a separate course; and you expect from me instead, a homage you will never have.'

Although her face was still the same, there was emphatic confirmation of this 'Never' in the very breath she drew.

'I feel no tenderness towards you; that you know. You would care nothing for it, if I did or could. I know as well that you feel none towards me. But we are linked together; and in the knot that ties us, as I have said, others are bound up. We must both die; we are both connected with the dead already, each by a little child. Let us forbear.'

Mr Dombey took a long respiration, as if he would have said, Oh! was this all!

'There is no wealth,' she went on, turning paler as she watched him, while her eyes grew yet more lustrous in their earnestness, 'that could buy these words of me, and the meaning that belongs to them. Once cast away as idle breath, no wealth or power can bring them back. I mean them; I have weighed them; and I will be true to what I undertake. If you will promise to forbear on your part, I will promise to forbear on mine. We are a most unhappy pair, in whom, from different causes, every sentiment that blesses marriage, or justifies it, is rooted out; but in the course of time, some friendship, or some fitness for each other, may arise between us. I will try to hope so, if you will make the endeavour too; and I will look forward to a better and a happier use of age than I have made of youth or prime.

Throughout she had spoken in a low plain voice, that neither rose nor fell; ceasing, she dropped the hand with which she had enforced herself to be so passionless and distinct, but not the eyes with which she had so steadily observed him.

'Madam,' said Mr Dombey, with his utmost dignity, 'I cannot entertain any proposal of this extraordinary nature.

She looked at him yet, without the least change.

'I cannot,' said Mr Dombey, rising as he spoke, 'consent to temporise or treat with you, Mrs Dombey, upon a subject as to which you are in possession of my opinions and expectations. I have stated my ultimatum, Madam, and have only to request your very serious attention to it.'

To see the face change to its old expression, deepened in intensity! To see the eyes droop as from some mean and odious object! To see the lighting of the haughty brow! To see scorn, anger, indignation, and abhorrence starting into sight, and the pale blank earnestness vanish like a mist! He could not choose but look, although he looked to his dismay.

'Go, Sir!' she said, pointing with an imperious hand towards the door. 'Our first and last confidence is at an end. Nothing can make us stranger to each other than we are henceforth.'

'I shall take my rightful course, Madam,' said Mr Dombey, 'undeterred, you may be sure, by any general declamation.'

She turned her back upon him, and, without reply, sat down before her glass.

'I place my reliance on your improved sense of duty, and more correct feeling, and better reflection, Madam,' said Mr Dombey.

She answered not one word. He saw no more expression of any heed of him, in the mirror, than if he had been an unseen spider on the wall, or beetle on the floor, or rather, than if he had been the one or other, seen and crushed when she last turned from him, and forgotten among the ignominious and dead vermin of the ground.

He looked back, as he went out at the door, upon the well-lighted and luxurious room, the beautiful and glittering objects everywhere displayed, the shape of Edith in its rich dress seated before her glass, and the face of Edith as the glass presented it to him; and betook himself to his old chamber of cogitation, carrying away with him a vivid picture in his mind of all these things, and a rambling and unaccountable speculation (such as sometimes comes into a man's head) how they would all look when he saw them next.

For the rest, Mr Dombey was very taciturn, and very dignified, and very confident of carrying out his purpose; and remained so.

He did not design accompanying the family to Brighton; but he graciously informed Cleopatra at breakfast, on the morning of departure, which arrived a day or two afterwards, that he might be expected down, soon. There was no time to be lost in getting Cleopatra to any place recommended as being salutary; for, indeed, she seemed upon the wane, and turning of the earth, earthy.

Without having undergone any decided second attack of her malady, the old woman seemed to have crawled backward in her recovery from the first. She was more lean and shrunken, more uncertain in her imbecility, and made stranger confusions in her mind and memory. Among other symptoms of this last affliction, she fell into the habit of confounding the names of her two sons-in-law, the living and the deceased; and in general called Mr Dombey, either 'Grangeby,' or 'Domber,' or indifferently, both.

But she was youthful, very youthful still; and in her youthfulness appeared at breakfast, before going away, in a new bonnet made express, and a travelling robe that was embroidered and braided like an old baby's. It was not easy to put her into a fly-away bonnet now, or to keep the bonnet in its place on the back of her poor nodding head, when it was got on. In this instance, it had not only the extraneous effect of being always on one side, but of being perpetually tapped on the crown by Flowers the maid, who attended in the background during breakfast to perform that duty.

'Now, my dearest Grangeby,' said Mrs Skewton, 'you must posively prom,' she cut some of her words short, and cut out others altogether, 'come down very soon.'

'I said just now, Madam,' returned Mr Dombey, loudly and laboriously, 'that I am coming in a day or two.'

'Bless you, Domber!'

Here the Major, who was come to take leave of the ladies, and who was staring through his apoplectic eyes at Mrs Skewton's face with the disinterested composure of an immortal being, said:

'Begad, Ma'am, you don't ask old Joe to come!'

'Sterious wretch, who's he?' lisped Cleopatra. But a tap on the bonnet from Flowers seeming to jog her memory, she added, 'Oh! You mean yourself, you naughty creature!'

'Devilish queer, Sir,' whispered the Major to Mr Dombey. 'Bad case. Never did wrap up enough;' the Major being buttoned to the chin. 'Why who should J. B. mean by Joe, but old Joe Bagstock - Joseph - your slave - Joe, Ma'am? Here! Here's the man! Here are the Bagstock bellows, Ma'am!' cried the Major, striking himself a sounding blow on the chest.

'My dearest Edith - Grangeby - it's most trordinry thing,' said Cleopatra, pettishly, 'that Major - '

'Bagstock! J. B.!' cried the Major, seeing that she faltered for his name.

'Well, it don't matter,' said Cleopatra. 'Edith, my love, you know I never could remember names - what was it? oh! - most trordinry thing that so many people want to come down to see me. I'm not going for long. I'm coming back. Surely they can wait, till I come back!'

Cleopatra looked all round the table as she said it, and appeared very uneasy.

'I won't have Vistors - really don't want visitors,' she said; 'little repose - and all that sort of thing - is what I quire. No odious brutes must proach me till I've shaken off this numbness;' and in a grisly resumption of her coquettish ways, she made a dab at the Major with her fan, but overset Mr Dombey's breakfast cup instead, which was in quite a different direction.

Then she called for Withers, and charged him to see particularly that word was left about some trivial alterations in her room, which must be all made before she came back, and which must be set about immediately, as there was no saying how soon she might come back; for she had a great many engagements, and all sorts of people to call upon. Withers received these directions with becoming deference, and gave his guarantee for their execution; but when he withdrew a pace or two behind her, it appeared as if he couldn't help looking strangely at the Major, who couldn't help looking strangely at Mr Dombey, who couldn't help looking strangely at Cleopatra, who couldn't help nodding her bonnet over one eye, and rattling her knife and fork upon her plate in using them, as if she were playing castanets.

Edith alone never lifted her eyes to any face at the table, and never seemed dismayed by anything her mother said or did. She listened to her disjointed talk, or at least, turned her head towards her when addressed; replied in a few low words when necessary; and sometimes stopped her when she was rambling, or brought her thoughts back with a monosyllable, to the point from which they had strayed. The mother, however unsteady in other things, was constant in this - that she was always observant of her. She would look at the beautiful face, in its marble stillness and severity, now with a kind of fearful admiration; now in a giggling foolish effort to move it to a smile; now with capricious tears and jealous shakings of her head, as imagining herself neglected by it; always with an attraction towards it, that never fluctuated like her other ideas, but had constant possession of her. From Edith she would sometimes look at Florence, and back again at Edith, in a manner that was wild enough; and sometimes she would try to look elsewhere, as if to escape from her daughter's face; but back to it she seemed forced to come, although it never sought hers unless sought, or troubled her with one single glance.

The best concluded, Mrs Skewton, affecting to lean girlishly upon the Major's arm, but heavily supported on the other side by Flowers the maid, and propped up behind by Withers the page, was conducted to the carriage, which was to take her, Florence, and Edith to Brighton.

'And is Joseph absolutely banished?' said the Major, thrusting in his purple face over the steps. 'Damme, Ma'am, is Cleopatra so hard-hearted as to forbid her faithful Antony Bagstock to approach the presence?'

'Go along!' said Cleopatra, 'I can't bear you. You shall see me when I come back, if you are very good.'

'Tell Joseph, he may live in hope, Ma'am,' said the Major; 'or he'll die in despair.'

Cleopatra shuddered, and leaned back. 'Edith, my dear,' she said. 'Tell him - '

'What?'


'Such dreadful words,' said Cleopatra. 'He uses such dreadful words!'

Edith signed to him to retire, gave the word to go on, and left the objectionable Major to Mr Dombey. To whom he returned, whistling.

'I'll tell you what, Sir,' said the Major, with his hands behind him, and his legs very wide asunder, 'a fair friend of ours has removed to Queer Street.'

'What do you mean, Major?' inquired Mr Dombey.

'I mean to say, Dombey,' returned the Major, 'that you'll soon be an orphan-in-law.'

Mr Dombey appeared to relish this waggish description of himself so very little, that the Major wound up with the horse's cough, as an expression of gravity.

'Damme, Sir,' said the Major, 'there is no use in disguising a fact. Joe is blunt, Sir. That's his nature. If you take old Josh at all, you take him as you find him; and a devilish rusty, old rasper, of a close-toothed, J. B. file, you do find him. Dombey,' said the Major, 'your wife's mother is on the move, Sir.'

'I fear,' returned Mr Dombey, with much philosophy, 'that Mrs Skewton is shaken.'

'Shaken, Dombey!' said the Major. 'Smashed!'

'Change, however,' pursued Mr Dombey, 'and attention, may do much yet.'

'Don't believe it, Sir,' returned the Major. 'Damme, Sir, she never wrapped up enough. If a man don't wrap up,' said the Major, taking in another button of his buff waistcoat, 'he has nothing to fall back upon. But some people will die. They will do it. Damme, they will. They're obstinate. I tell you what, Dombey, it may not be ornamental; it may not be refined; it may be rough and tough; but a little of the genuine old English Bagstock stamina, Sir, would do all the good in the world to the human breed.'

After imparting this precious piece of information, the Major, who was certainly true-blue, whatever other endowments he may have had or wanted, coming within the 'genuine old English' classification, which has never been exactly ascertained, took his lobster-eyes and his apoplexy to the club, and choked there all day.

Cleopatra, at one time fretful, at another self-complacent, sometimes awake, sometimes asleep, and at all times juvenile, reached Brighton the same night, fell to pieces as usual, and was put away in bed; where a gloomy fancy might have pictured a more potent skeleton than the maid, who should have been one, watching at the rose-coloured curtains, which were carried down to shed their bloom upon her.

It was settled in high council of medical authority that she should take a carriage airing every day, and that it was important she should get out every day, and walk if she could. Edith was ready to attend her - always ready to attend her, with the same mechanical attention and immovable beauty - and they drove out alone; for Edith had an uneasiness in the presence of Florence, now that her mother was worse, and told Florence, with a kiss, that she would rather they two went alone.

Mrs Skewton, on one particular day, was in the irresolute, exacting, jealous temper that had developed itself on her recovery from her first attack. After sitting silent in the carriage watching Edith for some time, she took her hand and kissed it passionately. The hand was neither given nor withdrawn, but simply yielded to her raising of it, and being released, dropped down again, almost as if it were insensible. At this she began to whimper and moan, and say what a mother she had been, and how she was forgotten! This she continued to do at capricious intervals, even when they had alighted: when she herself was halting along with the joint support of Withers and a stick, and Edith was walking by her side, and the carriage slowly following at a little distance.

It was a bleak, lowering, windy day, and they were out upon the Downs with nothing but a bare sweep of land between them and the sky. The mother, with a querulous satisfaction in the monotony of her complaint, was still repeating it in a low voice from time to time, and the proud form of her daughter moved beside her slowly, when there came advancing over a dark ridge before them, two other figures, which in the distance, were so like an exaggerated imitation of their own, that Edith stopped.

Almost as she stopped, the two figures stopped; and that one which to Edith's thinking was like a distorted shadow of her mother, spoke to the other, earnestly, and with a pointing hand towards them. That one seemed inclined to turn back, but the other, in which Edith recognised enough that was like herself to strike her with an unusual feeling, not quite free from fear, came on; and then they came on together.

The greater part of this observation, she made while walking towards them, for her stoppage had been momentary. Nearer observation showed her that they were poorly dressed, as wanderers about the country; that the younger woman carried knitted work or some such goods for sale; and that the old one toiled on empty-handed.

And yet, however far removed she was in dress, in dignity, in beauty, Edith could not but compare the younger woman with herself, still. It may have been that she saw upon her face some traces which she knew were lingering in her own soul, if not yet written on that index; but, as the woman came on, returning her gaze, fixing her shining eyes upon her, undoubtedly presenting something of her own air and stature, and appearing to reciprocate her own thoughts, she felt a chill creep over her, as if the day were darkening, and the wind were colder.

They had now come up. The old woman, holding out her hand importunately, stopped to beg of Mrs Skewton. The younger one stopped too, and she and Edith looked in one another's eyes.

'What is it that you have to sell?' said Edith.

'Only this,' returned the woman, holding out her wares, without looking at them. 'I sold myself long ago.'

'My Lady, don't believe her,' croaked the old woman to Mrs Skewton; 'don't believe what she says. She loves to talk like that. She's my handsome and undutiful daughter. She gives me nothing but reproaches, my Lady, for all I have done for her. Look at her now, my Lady, how she turns upon her poor old mother with her looks.'

As Mrs Skewton drew her purse out with a trembling hand, and eagerly fumbled for some money, which the other old woman greedily watched for - their heads all but touching, in their hurry and decrepitude - Edith interposed:

'I have seen you,' addressing the old woman, 'before.'

'Yes, my Lady,' with a curtsey. 'Down in Warwickshire. The morning among the trees. When you wouldn't give me nothing. But the gentleman, he give me something! Oh, bless him, bless him!' mumbled the old woman, holding up her skinny hand, and grinning frightfully at her daughter.

'It's of no use attempting to stay me, Edith!' said Mrs Skewton, angrily anticipating an objection from her. 'You know nothing about it. I won't be dissuaded. I am sure this is an excellent woman, and a good mother.'

'Yes, my Lady, yes,' chattered the old woman, holding out her avaricious hand. 'Thankee, my Lady. Lord bless you, my Lady. Sixpence more, my pretty Lady, as a good mother yourself.'

'And treated undutifully enough, too, my good old creature, sometimes, I assure you,' said Mrs Skewton, whimpering. 'There! Shake hands with me. You're a very good old creature - full of what's-his-name - and all that. You're all affection and et cetera, ain't you?'

'Oh, yes, my Lady!'

'Yes, I'm sure you are; and so's that gentlemanly creature Grangeby. I must really shake hands with you again. And now you can go, you know; and I hope,' addressing the daughter, 'that you'll show more gratitude, and natural what's-its-name, and all the rest of it - but I never remember names - for there never was a better mother than the good old creature's been to you. Come, Edith!'

As the ruin of Cleopatra tottered off whimpering, and wiping its eyes with a gingerly remembrance of rouge in their neighbourhood, the old woman hobbled another way, mumbling and counting her money. Not one word more, nor one other gesture, had been exchanged between Edith and the younger woman, but neither had removed her eyes from the other for a moment. They had remained confronted until now, when Edith, as awakening from a dream, passed slowly on.

'You're a handsome woman,' muttered her shadow, looking after her; 'but good looks won't save us. And you're a proud woman; but pride won't save us. We had need to know each other when we meet again!'


From: http://www.classicreader.com/book/490/40/

Originally posted on Tuesday, 26th April 2011

Diary of a Surviving Supply Teacher: How We Treat People

Unqualified Support Staff, Monday 25th April 2011

A
t its annual conference in Glasgow, the NASUWT raised the point about schools increasingly using unqualified support staff to teach lessons on a regular basis. This is likely to occur more frequently as the government’s policy of free schools and academies advances. The question is what is the union doing about it?



Five Lessons About How We Treat People, Tuesday 26th April 2011

The first three of the following five paragraphs made me think about the way agencies and schools treat supply teachers.


 1.  The Cleaning Lady

D
uring my second month of college, our professor gave us a pop quiz. I was a conscientious student and had breezed through the questions until I read the last one, ‘What is the first name of the woman who cleans the school?’ Surely this was some kind of joke. I had seen the cleaning woman several times. She was tall, dark-haired and in her 50s, but how would I know her name?

I handed in my paper, leaving the last question blank. Just before class ended, one student asked if the last question would count toward our quiz grade.

"Absolutely," said the professor. "In your careers, you will meet many people. All are significant. They deserve your attention and care, even if all you do is smile and say, "Hello."

I've never forgotten that lesson. I also learned her name was Grace.



2. Pickup in the Rain

One night, at 11:30, an elderly African American woman was standing on the side of an Alabama highway trying to endure a lashing rain storm. Her car had broken down and she desperately needed a ride. Soaking wet, she decided to flag down the next car. Several passed by, and finally a young white man stopped to help her--unheard of in those conflict-filled 1960's. The man took her to safety, helped her get assistance and put her into a taxicab.

She seemed to be in a big hurry, but wrote down his address and thanked him. Seven days went by and a knock came on the man's door. To his surprise, a fantastic present - a giant console colour TV (again, not at all common in the 1960's) was delivered to his home. A note was attached.

‘Thank you so much for assisting me on the highway the other night. The rain drenched not only my clothes, but also my spirits. Then you came along. Because of you, I was able to make it to my dying husband's bedside just before he passed away.  God bless you for helping me and unselfishly serving others.’

Yours sincerely,

Mrs. Nat King Cole


3.  Always Remember Those Who Serve

In the days when an ice cream sundae cost much less than it does today, a 10-year-old boy entered a coffee shop and sat at a table. A waitress put a glass of water in front of him.

"How much is an ice cream sundae?" he asked.

"Fifty cents," replied the waitress. The little boy pulled his hand out of his pocket and studied the coins in it.

"Well, how much is a plain dish of ice cream?" he inquired. By now more people were waiting for a table and the waitress was growing impatient.
 

"Thirty-five cents," she brusquely replied, feeling frustrated with this child. The little boy again counted his coins.

"I'll have the plain ice cream," he said. The waitress brought the ice cream, put the bill on the table and walked away, paying no more attention to him.   The boy finished the ice cream, paid the cashier and left. When the waitress came back, she began to cry as she wiped down the table. There, placed neatly beside the empty dish, were two nickels and five pennies.

He couldn't have the sundae, because he had to have enough left to leave her a tip.


4.  The Obstacle in Our Path

In ancient times, a king had a boulder placed on a roadway. Then he hid himself and watched to see if anyone would remove the huge rock. Some of the king's wealthiest merchants and courtiers came by and simply walked around it. Many loudly blamed the king for not keeping the roads clear, but none did anything about getting the stone out of the way. 

Later, a peasant came along carrying a load of vegetables. Upon approaching the boulder, the peasant laid down his burden and tried to move the stone to the side of the road. After much pushing and straining, he finally succeeded. After the peasant picked up his load of vegetables, he noticed a purse lying in the road where the boulder had been. The purse contained many gold coins and a note from the king indicating that the gold was for the person who removed the boulder from the roadway. The peasant learned what many of us never understand!   Every obstacle presents an opportunity to improve our condition. While it isn't likely that a king would do such a thing today, the lesson is still clear:  every challenge is an opportunity. 
 


5.  Giving When it Counts

Many years ago, when I worked as a volunteer at a hospital, I got to know a little girl named Liz who was suffering from a rare and very serious disease. Her only chance of recovery appeared to be a blood transfusion from her 5-year-old brother, who had miraculously survived the same disease and had developed the antibodies needed to combat the illness. The doctor explained the situation to her little brother, and asked the little boy if he would be willing to give his blood to his sister.  

I saw him hesitate for only a moment before taking a deep breath and saying, "Yes I'll do it if it will save her." As the transfusion progressed, he lay in bed next to his sister and smiled, as we all did, seeing the colour returning to her cheek. Then his face grew pale and his smile faded.

He looked up at the doctor and asked with a trembling voice, "Will I start to die right away?"

The little boy had misunderstood the doctor; he thought he was going to have to give his sister all of his blood in order to save her. 

What an amazing gift from the child.  We could learn many lessons from the children around us - before they've been taught to hate, before they've been taught our own prejudices and hatreds.  Greet each new day as a special gift of love!
 


From: http://www.eurekaspringsfumc.org/stories/five_lessons.htm

First posted on Tuesday, 26th April 2011



Wednesday, 6 April 2011

Left-handed: a Definition

Definition – Left-handedness

[Noun] Habitual use of the left hand, or rather the ability to use the left hand with more ease and strength than the right.

Source: Noah Webster's 1828 American Dictionary.

……………………………………………………………………………

Definition - Left-handed

adj
1. using the left hand with greater ease than the right
2. performed with the left hand
3. designed or adapted for use by the left hand
4. worn on the left hand
5. awkward or clumsy
6. ironically ambiguous a left-handed compliment
7. turning from right to left; anticlockwise
8. (Historical Terms) (Social Science / Anthropology & Ethnology) Law another term for morganatic
adv
with the left hand
left-handedly  adv
left-handedness  n

Source: Collins English Dictionary – Complete and Unabridged © HarperCollins Publishers 1991, 1994, 1998, 2000, 2003


Originally posted on Wednesday, 06 April 2011

Diary of a Surviving Supply Teacher: Frustration

Item equals totem

Originally posted on Wednesday 6th April 2011

Monday, 4 April 2011

Diary of a Surviving Supply Teacher: Umbrella Company

Wednesday 30th March 2011

W
hile some schools fade in the memory, through shear weight of numbers, others do not for good reason. Today’s school was one of the latter, because it was the third I ever worked in as a supply teacher and the first for an agency. Most of those ‘early’ schools were difficult establishments in tough areas, but this was a rare exception, having sensitive children who were keen to learn. My charges today, as then, were year 3. The class teacher was out on a course, but she gave instructions before leaving. She spoke as though I were a particularly dense child in her class, although I later learned she was only one term beyond her NQT year. Echoing the deputy on my arrival, she drew attention to a child who had kidney problems and whose notes stated, “Must keep drinking. If he sees butterflies, give water and escort to the office immediately”.  I wondered who would be held responsible if there was an accident with the unattended class; there are many schools where you could not leave a room under any circumstances. I noticed another child under ‘nature of problem’ was ‘scared of blood and pain’. Speaking through a cold, the teacher informed me there was also a girl on a behaviour chart, “Not for behaviour, but concentration.” I struggled to understand the difference.

Following registration, the children spread out around the room for ‘Activate’ aerobic exercises. Then, they went into literacy sets, in which my set, following a discussion, worked on writing mystery stories with suspense and tension. They were enthusiastic in the introduction and worked until break with concentration. After break, the class read their own books and headed off again into sets, this time for maths. My set went into the ICT suite to use Number Shark software on CD-rom and it was clear they were not as settled as the previous group. They were chatty and loud, but I had no idea where my sets came in the ranking.     

In the afternoon, we were scheduled for games outside, unless it rained, in which case we would have French instead. It rained, and French was a Rigolo activity on the interactive whiteboard, Lesson 4: Les Animaux, in which the class chanted back various words and phrases heard by pressing active buttons on the screen. Once warmed-up, they worked wholeheartedly, which was good for me as a non-French speaker! Next was handwriting, based on ‘re’ joins, which I wrote on the board between my own carefully constructed guidelines and the class reproduced a line of each in their books.

During the afternoon break, I encountered Mr Smooth, the headteacher, in the corridor. He said, “Hello, which class are you with today?” Not remembering their name, I described them as well-behaved, which he acknowledged was good to hear. However, it is disconcerting to speak to a headteacher, who does not know which class has a supply teacher. Although I have found him supportive, some staff do criticise him for being distant or remote.

Checking with the teacher next door, a semi-permanent supply teacher, I was hopeful of doing games after the afternoon break. She helped me sort out the equipment (rugby balls and tags) from the hall and the shed, but it drizzled during break, so we remained indoors. Apparently, another year group was timetabled to use the hall, so this was ruled out too. We had already used the lessons planned for this last session, so the year leader, Mrs Realist, gave me a Mothering Sunday activity, a list poem along the lines of ‘a mother is . . . ‘ which the pupils could also decorate. They seemed a little disappointed at missing games, but did not make a fuss and worked diligently on the poems. Show and tell, usually a time-filler, was on the plan, but I ran out of time without being sorry. Home time was at 3:25pm, on a reassuring bell.

The girl with poor concentration, whom the other supply teacher described as ‘a little madam’, was not a major problem and I completed her behaviour card positively. I noticed in the signing-in book there had been another supply teacher in the school from 8:10am to 3:35pm on 24th March 2010. They were from my agency and during a week when I had not worked a single day. Why had a supply teacher, who leaves school only ten minutes after the children, been given priority?

Information on Activate by Val Sabin can be found here:
http://www.valsabinpublications.com/publications/activate/additional.php

Information on Rigolo by Nelson Thornes publishers can be found here:
http://www.nelsonthornes.com/rigolo/

Note: I am not advertising these, or any, products - the addresses are purely for information


Thursday 31st March 2011

When an agency tells you there is no further work in a school, because you are not ‘infant enough’, it is disconcerting to say the least and certainly has an undermining effect when you are asked to work there a year later. However, because of the lack of work, I reluctantly accepted the placement. I picked up a message for work, next Wednesday afternoon across the city, at around 5:30pm last night - not wanting it and expecting it to have been filled. However, the person who answered did not mention the afternoon and instead asked if I was available all day tomorrow, so I took the post. I broached the matter of the afternoon, but she said, “It has been cancelled or something, however the manager is desperate to fill tomorrow.” She added, as I had heard before, that, “It is a lovely school.”    

Mrs Fussy spent half an hour explaining the English and then announced that this was the wrong day. She was the sort of person who could spend an hour telling you nothing at all, often saying things like, “I have been out a lot recently”, “We’ve got a parents’ evening coming up” and, “This place is paperwork hell!” Although I had arrived at 7:55am, the children were expected to enter at 8:30am, so there was not time to waste. When the year 5 children arrived they were expected to write up their spellings as handwriting, because yesterday’s handwriting had not been completed to Mrs Fussy’s satisfaction. They were with a supply teacher and, “Probably trying it on.” After registration by Sims at 8:50am, there was a continuation of persuasive writing. This was something else that was inadequately covered by yesterday’s supply in which they had confused emotive language with persuasive language. Fortunately, the lesson came in the form of a MS PowerPoint flip chart, but less helpful was the Starboard software. My LSA was Mrs Domineering, whom the class teacher described as excellent and who I remembered from previous occasions. She had the unfortunate habit of periodically stopping the class and announcing things of which she thought they should be aware, such as the reasons for the visiting Sikh speaker they were to see later in the hall. The written task was to improve an example of a poor persuasive letter, requesting that a public swimming pool should not be closed by the local council and the class coped better than I expected.

At 9:45am, we were lined up at the door, ready to go to the hall. When the junior phase was all seated, Mr Camp informed everyone that the Sikh visitor had been delayed and asked the staff if they wanted to return to their rooms or remain and watch a video. Unanimously, they opted for the video, which visibly pleased the children; however, it was not a Hollywood blockbuster, but was concerned with Sikhism. Actually, despite the inappropriate narration by ‘weaselly’ actor Ken Campbell, the video was very interesting (about the founder Guru Nanak and the holy scripture Guru Granth Sahib) and most of the children sat attentively. In the meantime, a message filtered through to say the speaker was at junction 8 on the motorway, but there was no sign of him and, unsurprisingly, morning break came early. Mrs Fussy had been very vague about where her duty had been, despite, or because of, waving her arms. Initially, I was not clear whether it was indoors or out and she made mention of walkie-talkies. Once on the playground, I tentatively approached a person standing in the middle holding a number of radios. Despite wearing a card around my neck, he asked if I was part of the school and, after I told him I was a supply teacher, he gave me one of the walkie-talkies with instructions to call the office if anyone was injured. He was equally vague about my role, but I hovered on a raised walkway in front of the toilet entrances. I noticed children were entering and leaving the toilets while eating ‘healthy’ snacks. One child had a nasty fall on his hip, but he insisted that he did not want to go to the office and I did not quarrel with him.                

On arriving back at the classroom, after the class, it was good to see they had been instructed to line up again for the hall. Our Sikh speaker, after a hesitant start with lots of ‘ums’ and ‘ers’, had a range of slides and also turned out to be very interesting and informative. It is very unusual for to me to witness someone else in this difficult predicament and it made me wonder why schools are not more understanding when a supply teacher arrives after a late call. I think our speaker’s timing had been an hour behind the school and I recalled that sometimes visitors do not realise how precise school timing has to be. He spoke on the festivals of Holi & Baisakhi, the Golden Temple at Amritsar, Pritpal Singh and the custom of Langar. Baptised Sikhs are bound to wear the Five Ks, or articles of faith, at all times and our speaker showed or explained them to the school: (i) uncut hair (which remained under his turban), (ii) small comb, (iii) circular iron bracelet and, (iv) dagger. Religious item or not, there is still something shocking about seeing a weapon in a school. I thought I miscounted but later learned that the fifth is a special undergarment. By question and answer time, the children clearly had lots of questions, but after only one query, everything came to an abrupt halt because it was the infants’ turn. 

Back in the classroom and in sets, we embarked on the relationship between fractions, decimals, percentages and pie charts. Mrs Fussy had said the class were chatty, but these were noisy. Strangely, their work was pretty good when it came to marking the books. There was a lot and I tried to mark it during lunchtime, as well as after school.

Mrs Domineering set off for home. She asked if I was remaining for the afternoon, so I asked her the same question. As if she expected me to miss her, she replied, “No, unfortunately not.” There was nothing unfortunate about it at all. Mrs Fussy wisely left her explanation of the afternoon until lunchtime, but, in short, it meant spending some time returning marked topic work, fastening work into a scrapbook titled Ancient Greece, writing a contents page (which she insisted had to have page in the title) and decorating. She post-scripted it with, “If I had not been out of the class so much, I would not leave you with this.” Her explanation, surrounding further justifications, of specific sheets to be returned, was complicated and verging on neurotic, so I forgot many of them. Again, I felt the children were noisy rather than chatty. One particularly lazy individual told me that the reason he rocked back on his chair and put his knees on the edge of the table was because he had a bad leg.

For the second part of the afternoon, from 2:30pm, we marched to the ICT suite in the infant wing of the building to work on spreadsheets. Each child could access a computer and I had the choice of explaining step-by-step or giving them a textbook to work through. I opted for a combination of both, starting with a step-by-step explanation, but allowing the children to continue independently, if they were confident enough. Although using formulae in Excel spreadsheets seems a bit dry, the children were quite impressed when they changed the data and their formula automatically adjusted the totals. A group of boys was particularly loud and, after several requests for them to stop speaking over me, I had to raise my voice to get them to be quiet. Mrs Fussy did not have much to say at the end of the day, but she did ask, “How were they with the ICT lesson?” I felt I could not avoid mentioning that, although I did not shout very often as a supply teacher because it rarely works, I did have to raise my voice to a group of boys who would not follow a simple request to be quiet. She blamed one who was new to the school. I also recounted the tale of the bad leg to which she just pulled a puzzled face.  

I remained in the classroom after school to mark more maths books as well as the handwriting from first thing in the morning. One of the things which struck me was how ‘picky’ Mrs Fussy was in her comments in the handwriting books. She should see some of the examples I have encountered on my travels. I wish all teachers would write a comment and leave a correction or two in handwriting books, so that I could do the same. When they do not mark them or leave corrections, it is difficult to know what to do beyond writing a comment. Some teachers are critical of fine points in English books, which are difficult for me to identify as I do not know the children. In this case, I wrote positive comments, although I could imagine Mrs Fussy disagreeing with them.   

The ICT textbook which I used was Basic Spreadsheets for Schools by PM Heathcote (for MS Excel 97/00), published by Payne Gallway.  


Monday, 04 April 2011

Last week, I read on the TES supply teacher forum that I could pay less National Insurance contributions while being employed by an umbrella company. I phoned my umbrella company, at 10:30am this morning, but the person I spoke to was vague about class 1 contributions and whether I had paid enough NI to qualify for entitlements such as contributions based Jobseekers Allowance. He told me I could make additional voluntary contributions, but I replied that these would be no use if made too late. The following is a message I posted in adjusted forms on my union website forum, the TES forum and as an email to my union representative:   

“I have been working as a supply teacher for a teaching agency and, as a result, have been employed by an umbrella company. I understand that I may be paying class 1 National Insurance, although I am not certain because the person I spoke to at the company seemed vague. However, I could be making less National Insurance contributions through this organisation, which means I may not be entitled to certain rights such as my state pension and contributions-based Jobseekers Allowance. Does the union have any advice, guidance or information on these umbrella companies? Thank you.”


Monday, 04 April 2011 pt2: Not So Royal Mail

Royal Mail has increased the cost of first class post by 5p o 46p - the biggest increase in one step ever recorded. Second class stamps have also increased, this time by 4p to 36p, while large letters jump by 9p to 75p for first class and by 7p to 58p for second class. Postcomm, the postal services regulator, gave permission for the increases in November last year. Royal Mail announced the proposed increases in December 2010. The regulator says that the increases will help fund Royal Mail's modernisation programme. In December 2010 and this February, I had two statements go missing, from a bank who have not previously failed to provide them. On the other hand, Royal Mail consistently fails to deliver important letters to the correct address and at the right time. It seems that with an ever decreasing quality of service, comes a massively increasing cost to the customer.      


Originally posted on Tuesday 5th April 2011